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To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward
From: Ward Mission Leader, H. LaVar Turley
Subject: Holy Fetch! He’d make a great Mormon!

How many times has it happened? You’re at work, the supermarket, or maybe the gym. You run into a non-member acquaintance, exchange pleasantries, then find yourself engrossed in a surprisingly wholesome conversation about family, moral values, and non-alcoholic beverages. You had no idea this person had such interests. Then it hits you. Your skin tingles, your eyes brim over, your lips quiver, and you think to yourself--Holy Fetch! He’d make a great Mormon!

Modern revelation has taught us that non-members such as the Pilgrims and Founding Fathers were inspired accomplices to the restoration of the one and only true church. I believe this applies to many of our leaders in Washington, past and present. I’d love to tract out Congress. Both houses are rife with potential Mormons. (With the exception of Barney Frank and Harry Reid.)

Why not the office of the presidency as well? Consider the following “Mormons in the Rough:”

President and Mrs. Carter
President and Mrs. Reagan
President and Mrs. H.W. Bush
President and Mrs. George W. Bush
President Bill Clinton
Chelsea Clinton
Socks and Buddy Clinton
Barack Obama’s mother

But our list isn’t restricted to Washington. The Lord is preparing all of His children to receive the Gospel. For example, the FOX News evening line-up, Steven Colbert, the Octomom, former Senator John Edwards, and the guy who plugs the ShamWow.

And what of those near and dear, the ones who matter the most? Like the non-member brother-in-law who loaned you money, or the neighbor who didn’t sue when you backed over his foot with your Suburban. For heaven’s sake, what are you waiting for? Don’t just thank them with a tater-tot casserole. Give them what they really deserve, a Book of Mormon, your fervent testimony and daily visits from the missionaries.

The Church is true! Amen.


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